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Silicon Valley – Breasts in video games

March 1, 2010

Last night I was thinking about breasts. I was thinking how breasts in games never look that great in motion. For example, the pair in the banner are pretty nice to look at but as soon as I see them static as she moves around/dances, I kind of get really put off. Either the jiggle is so minimal that I’ve hardly noticed or the animators didn’t want to bother popping any jiggle in. They look so solid and uninviting. Nothing about that screams out sexy to me and to watch them remain motionless makes me cringe a little.

I recently picked up The Saboteur and turned off the nipple tassels to check out the digital flesh on offer. While male friends claimed they were good video game breasts, I could only sit and feel pretty unsatisfied with the result. The jiggle (if any) was off and the pink of the areola was pretty extreme in comparison to the bronze of their body. The nipples freaked me out so much I popped those tassels back on within 20 minutes.

I have no issue with seeing breasts in games. I’d rather they have a purpose for the nudity but I learned from a young age that games are generally marketed towards young men and what do young men want? Tits. This isn’t a rant against breasts in games though, I’ve gotten pretty used to seeing oversized balloons, poking out of tight costumes. I even fell in love with Lara Croft, who is well known for her pointy polygon assets. But the thing is, I have breasts. I see breasts everyday. Real ones! (no wai) I live with 5 other girls so it is pretty impossible to not see a pair but I’d rather have mine than the large, solid, motionless polygons that are stuck into unnaturally proportioned digital woman.

Now take the Dead or Alive series. A series which is famous for its fanatical obsession with breast physics, swimsuits and volleyball. Smooth, cute looking breasts, on animé inspired models, jiggle around so much that it’s laughable.  As unrealistically proportioned and coloured those bad boys are, at least they move about in hypnotising harmony. They at least look like you can reach out and grab them and give them a squeeze rather than bruising your hands on solid baps!

Why is it that realistically designed breasts are only that aesthetically? If you are going to expose breasts in your game then at least put some thought into how they move about. If you combined the look of Heavy Rain and toned down the physics of DOA, you could get some pretty realistic boobies and I have no idea why people don’t do this. If I am stuck looking at tits, they might as well play the part.

I don’t even know why it bothers me so much! On a side note: There is not enough cock in games. Thank you Dante’s Inferno. Thank you.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2010 11:12 pm

    To be fair, most male gamers see a pair of breasts every time they look down as well.

  2. March 2, 2010 2:57 am

    I’m all for equality in video game nudity. I don’t want nudity in my game to begin with unless it’s actually called for, but if we have to have it, then we might as well go both ways. Might actually get some women into games that way.

    In the meantime, I’ll continue to live with my unshakable mental glitch that porn and gaming don’t mix. Not only is it practically impossible to wank while consciously playing a game of any real challenge, but there’s also something about the perversion of my childhood that just rubs me the wrong way. 😦

  3. March 2, 2010 12:27 pm

    You get The Lost and the Damned if I remember correctly. : D

  4. March 5, 2010 6:13 am

    “Last night I was thinking about breasts” – the best opening line I’ve read in ages!

    Oh the crowds of boys that flocked around the Dead or Alive arcade machine when it first came out. They really nailed it in terms of target audience.

    So funny how female vs male nudity is seen in society. Harvey Keitel in The Piano, for instance. No one saw that coming. And all those American Apparel ads, man! Equality FTW, definitely

  5. Dobin1000 permalink
    March 5, 2010 8:24 am

    If there were actually realistic breasts in games all internet forums would be full of 15 year old boys going on about how they are rubbish and saggy, not like the ones on all the girls they had sex with last night! More cock in games would be fine by me – I would love to see how the Daily Mail would deal with it in their daily ‘Ban This Sick Filth’ story…

  6. Lee(f) permalink
    March 14, 2010 4:47 pm

    I have yet to see a video game that, when they obviously are trying to emphasize breasts does a good job at it. Until they learn tp do it right they go the route of Uncharted: small, cute and perky.

    I’m with a few other comments on here, though. I wanna see either less naked ladies or more naked men. It’s getting freakin’ ridiculous.

    This is a good example of just how bad it is: I’m gay. I’m a gay woman… lesbian I suppose. And I WANT TO SEE MORE WANG! That’s not right.

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